Shattered

I came upon my blog once again just to check if there are any entries to edit, since I don't proof-read before posting, and I came upon a rather old entry entitled Looking Back While I Walk Away . Reading it, I had a very idealistic view of a post-high school life. And now, as I recall the series of events after graduation, I just realized how naive I was. I thought that everything created in high school was as solid and firm as 400-year-old structures, but no, they're stick-weak. College life is hell.

ON OUR CHOSEN PATH

It isn't easy to finish a course and go after a dream, especially if those courses aren't in line with your dream. You'd end up wanting to shift out or give up altogether. A four-year course can actually drag its way to being a six or seven-year one. Women end up getting pregnant. Others simply drop out of school and decide top juggle multiple rakets. And you thought "I'll be [insert profession here] in five years and be rich and I'll travel the world!" Yeah right.

ON RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships formed in high school won't directly lead straight to marriage. They're very fragile and once the couple enters the real world, they'll realize their relationship was built on a rather minute foundation and that there are many other opportunities and other people out there. Forever is an illusion. Teenage love is an illusion. A friend says I've become quite cynical lately. Have I? Maybe because despite my claims of being realistic, I was too darn idealistic, a false prophet. Everything is an illusion, everything is hormonal. Well, maybe not everything, but mostly. And even if we tell each other to guard our hearts, chill, look before we leap, and be realistic, we know we never end up listening.

ON STATUSES

High school statuses can't be kept until college. If you were popular, you can wind up as the next biggest loser. To cope with the boredom and the rut you were thrown into, you try every possible crazy thing. But seriously, would you actually look back and like what you see? And to beat boredom and loneliness, just to leave the rut you have been stuck in, you keep yourself busy, so as not to wander on bad thoughts and deeds. But being busy would end up making you stressed and you'd wonder if this was what you wanted. We try to make a name for ourselves, but that will be hard, especially if you're in a world with more players to take that title from you. This game of status-finding is a difficult one. And sometimes, to have a name, is to make crazy choices just to be known.

ON MYSELF

I don't like leading an uneventful life. And I welcomed college life with so much enthusiasm and excitement that I wanted to try EVERYTHING. I guess my definition of everything stretches from zero to infinity. Freshman year was eventful. It was fun. But then everything died down in second year. The first sem events were fun, I honestly have to say, but they didn't last and I ended up in a lot of trouble because of them. I spent most of my days propped up on my bed, in front of the laptop watching and rewatching movies, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, America's Best Dance Crew, Glee, Gossip Girl, 90210, Bleach, and just about anything my latop has saved in it. I'd play Plants vs. Zombies again and again, just trying to fill every space in my Zen Garden. I took a part-time job but I wasn't happy with it, and actually didn't save enough. STUPID. I'm that bored. So, I welcomed UAPSA-UPD and the possible ASC position into my life. I need to socialize, to leave my room's four walls (but first, I have to leave my bed). I walk home alone, eat in my dorm room alone, go to the grocery alone, window-shop sometimes alone, commute alone, go to and leave class alone, study alone. I don't even watch TV, that's why I don't know what's the latest in the lives of celebrities or the PBB housemates. I watch TV for American Idol, though. I don't want to get into the details of the life I'm leading but I'm not liking it. I'm not very happy. I'm just thankful I've got friends to keep a smile alive. 'Cause this life is crap.

So, anyway, after bein thrown out into the real world, from the sheltered grounds of high school and home, you'll realize that everything that you have imagined was nothing but simply optimistic illusions. Life doesn't throw you lemons to make lemonade. It throws you crap, and what are you supposed to do with that?

Pure Love

The night skies are always beautiful. Glistening little specks twinkling against the perpetual darkness, one never overpowering the other, each pretty in their own unique way. Twinkling little blues, yellows, and whites. I looked at the crescent moon, lying down, looking at a smile. And I remember someone telling me that it would have been nice to see two stars above that crescent glow to mimic the smile I had on my face that night. I look up to watch the moon at it's prettiest and think, yeah, it would look great to see two stars above it, like the sky is smiling down at me. But everytime I look up, the crescent stands alone, looking like a glaring grin staring down at you, mocking your loneliness, because he, too, stands alone in the sky's black pool. What a selfish desire the moon has. But I can't blame him if he didn't have friends along with him in the sky, unlike the stars. So, I respect his loneliness, let it mock mine and a million other's. He is still beautiful. The nightsky will always be beautiful. The cool breeze, the cold touch of the grass, the silence in the air. It's beauty in a very natural form. It's love at its purest, in its most pristine form. So, I look up, sigh, and smile. Mock me, if you must, moon. As the earth revolves and the day pass, you'll soon lose your mocking smirk and end up a gaping hole in the sky. The stars will still be twinkling pretty specks, the breeze will still be cool, the grass will still feel like a cold blanket against my skin, the silence will forever exist, and I will still smile.