Farewell Indeed

“Where have you been all these years?” There was not a drop of emotion in his tone.

I was never one to tell a person I just saw after how many years everything. “Away… Doing some stuff,” I replied, matching his voice’s monotony. It had been years since I last saw his face, almost 10years. Here I was, at 25, juggling many part-time jobs and trainings that the stress seemed to pile up so I decided to take the weekend off and hit the beach. Who knew that he’d end up on the same beach as I. I heaved a heavy sigh and stared at the sea’s infinite blue.

“Why did you go,” he asked me. He asked me this before, I remember. “I thought you loved me… Then what’s the whole idea of running away with him?”

I gave him the same answer that I gave him 9 years back. “I’m sorry about that.” What was I supposed to say, anyway? Nothing was going to change the way I treated him in the past and asking me the same old questions won’t correct my past mistakes.

Like many girls in high school, I adored the idea of being in a relationship with a guy. I liked the attention, the sweet nothings, and mushy conversations. These made me happy. But unlike others who get bitten by the love bug, I don’t dive in with my whole heart unguarded. I don’t enter a relationship with promises of forever and commitment, because I was a fickle girl and I always put my own interests ahead of anyone else’s. He was my first boyfriend, one who I didn’t intend to have as my last. This was all just a teenage phase to me. Unfortunately, we weren’t on the same wavelength there. And as fickle as I was, I left him for someone else with whom I took interest upon.

“How are you two now?”

I answered him with all honesty. “We two broke up couple of years back... We never worked out.” He must have thought that I was the same old dreamy-eyed fickle-minded girl that he was with almost 10 years ago, knowing I still didn’t end up with the guy I replaced him with. But time has a way of changing people and their perceptions. Time allows us to grow, become wiser, more mature, and let go of our childish pasts. “He just wasn’t the one for me. I guess, I was looking for something else, something I didn’t know was very much within reach during those days.”

I looked at him and I don’t know if there was a moment when a certain emotion showed on his face. But whatever it was, it left as fast as it came. I then saw an approaching figure behind him. I smiled. He must have been confused with this because he turned around only to be shocked to see a face of slight familiarity approach us.

“Dear, I’ve been looking all over for you,” the man approaching said. “Everyone else is waiting by the cottage.”

I looked at the man I was conversing with, the man who was once part of a very distant past and said, “I would like you to meet… my fiancée.”

When I Want Both

Is loving two infidelity? Is keeping both loves selfishness? Should you let go of one? But what if both make you happy? Is it a sin?
For years now, I have been caught in between two. They didn’t fight over me. My relationship with both was smooth-sailing. I spent my days with one, my nights with the other. That seemed pretty fair. I was happy with both. The 1st was my high school love, though. But even that time, I was already spending time building the 2nd. Upon I spent happy months in the 1st relationship established until the other came calling. The 2nd was accompanied by my closest friends and they wanted us to hang out more. They took the majority of my time. And there, my 1st relationship started dying. Did I want it back? At that moment, no. I was so happy with the 2nd, why bother? 10 months of happiness. Then I wanted to break off, for some particular reasons. I missed the 1st. I wanted to fix what was lost. Stupid me. I left my 1st to die covered with cobwebs now I want to brush them all off and fix stuff. But did I have to choose? A friend told me I didn’t have to. I can have both. I thought I should only have a heart for one. He said it wasn’t necessary. So, I decided to keep both relationships. It was a risk but I compromised.
it was Dad who reintroduced me to the 1st that I established a relationship with. He texted me saying that he wanted to show me something. So I went to JB Music, where my Dad was waiting for me and he gave me a huge grin and showed me his surprise. I stared in shock. There he stood, white and beautiful, waiting patiently for me, only for me. Dad asked me if I wanted him, I asked if it was ok to him, all he said was “I’m game if you’re game.” I said I was and that’s where things rolled. I was given my 1st guitar, my 1st electric guitar. It wasn’t any of my Dad’s hand-me-down acoustics. It was a white Fender Squier. And it was mine. But that time though, I was still hooked with dancing so my enthusiasm for my Fender (Which I wanted to name Skye) wasn’t very high. This hurt Dad, of course, but I tried my very best to play with it. It was my very 1st. I gave up on dancing as I slowly got reacquainted with playing the guitar. Skye will be coming to Manila by July and I’m so excited. But could I handle dance and Skye at the same time? Could I dance with hip-hop and play Skye’s strings and give both the same amount of lobve and time? It’s worth a try. I am not supposed to choose, I don’t want to choose because both have my heart and I cannot live with just one.

A Love Left

I told myself I was leaving for good. I said I was no longer coming back. I was finally turning my back, trying to show the world that I was strong enough to leave one of my greatest loves. It was for my good, I say, and also for my academics and my relationship with my parents. Ever since I fell in love, my academics were jeopardized and I had constant fights with my parents to the point of me breaking down on the phone while talking to them asking for their understanding and acceptance. Dad finally gave in. But as the months passed by, I thought was it all worth it? Was this relationship something I wanted to keep till forever died out? I decided to seek some advice and one afternoon, while having a coffee break with mom, I finally broke the news to my mother. She was shocked by my decision. I was shocked, too. I told her I wanted out after all those months where I tried to gain their approval and now that I finally have it, I’m telling them I want out. I explained my side, the pros and cons and she just listened and after my long speech she simply said, “It’s a good thing you finally realized that.” It felt weird to say that I was finally breaking off. I didn’t know how to tell the person concerned. I didn’t know whose heart would have been broken in the process once I utter the words “I’m leaving.” But I finally managed to do so. I left and walked away.I didn’t feel hurt or lonely. Up until now.
I didn’t do anything or looked at anything that reminded me of that relationship, until I opened my laptop and decided to check out some old files. I popped in a burned VCD given to me by a friend on my 18th birthday. I watched the videos I used to enjoy, of certain memories I had linked to what I had before. And that’s when it hit me. I wasn’t ready to end our relationship. I wanted it back. But was I willing to go through all the hardship again? I didn’t know. But was I willing to return to the happiness I felt? Yes. Was I willing to go back because of the reason I entered the relationship for in the 1st place? Yes.
I’m still unsure until up to this moment. There are still many things I can’t accept. But I know that my heart is still attached. I left a part of me there and I want it back. I want everything back. I want them back. UP Street, I still miss you. I still love to dance. I came to UP in hope that I could soon bear the title as UP Street Dance Club member. I took a chance, was given the opportunity, hurdled the trials, and now I’m letting go? I don’t know what seems right. But many stuff at this moment are pointing to a yes, I have to go back. I just hope I have enough will power.

Becoming Female

Someone once shared a story about a girl, about her youth years back. She had ambitions, just like any girl would. She did a lot in her youth, did numerous things that she personally enjoyed. She was into radio and stuff like that. She also had certain dreams of becoming a teacher, to the point of going back to school to prepare herself for that desired career. She did it well, and was off to take the licensure exam. For someone who had the will, you just might think that her story ended the way she wanted it to. But, sadly, it didn't. She had to give everything up. She didn't end up working. She stayed home and became a mother. Why? She fell in love. And she gave up everything out of LOVE. Was she happy? Yes, but she could have been happier.
The moral of the story? That someone said, "When you fall in love, don't give up everything, especially your career." And that person's point hit me so hard that I was compelled to be more driven.
Women have always had this certain image: They grow up, find a man, fall in love, get married, and be a mother. There was a certain period wherein women who were unmarried in their thirties and forties were found weird. Women were supposed to be married and taking care of the family, that means staying home. Men have always been the ones who were supposed to work and support women and children. They were the ones everyone was supposed to depend on. Off they go in their uniforms while their wives (who are in aprons) and kids wave them goodbye. But women have learned to pick up the reigns and ride the winds of change. Women can work. They can go do whatever they want with their lives and not get married till they die. They can go out on late nights to party and work their ass off the next day and reap the fruits of their labor come month-end and spend it all again. Women can be independent. They should be.
It hurts a man's ego when a woman has a higher position than him. It's embarrassing to him when his wife is the woman supporting their family. And it crushes them to know that a woman can live without them, as a whole independent individual. Men are idealists, most do not welcome change. But it's the 21st century, it's about time they swallow their pride and welcome the new era with humility.
I, personally, will not succumb to the ideal image of a woman. I know what I want and not even love will stop me. If a man cannot take the fact that I'm going to try my best to be what I want to be even if he is around, he is welcome to walk away. I don't need someone who's going to suffocate me and not allow me the same rights and privileges he enjoys. I am strong-willed. I am ambitious. I am female. Complete and strong enough to be independent.
And so, you wonder, who taught me all this?



My mother.

Ban Stereotypes! For Pisay, with love

After years, I will finally touch on the issue that seemed to disturb me ever since: Stereotypes. It was never really a big deal before. Stereotypes were just stuff I see in movies where they categorize people as jocks, the popular kids, the wannabes, the nerds, the band geeks, etc. The Philippines didn't have such, if it did, it's a low-class replica. C'mon, admit it, people try their best to emulate what they see on American movies, but, sorry, citizens of this third world country that I love, we end up like wannabes compared to them. Anyway, this stereotyping thing is popular in high school. Every typical high school would have their categories and levels in the social hierarchy. But I banished all this crap because I went to a not-so-typical high school. I went to Philippine Science High School - Southern Mindanao Campus **watch me gloat**. So, in a school that requires its applicants to take two entrance exams and pass both, we could definitely conclude that this school does not house the typical jocks and popular airheads, right? And due to the existence of these entrance exams and the exclusiveness of the institution, the Non-Pisayans/Phisciers/Pisay Staff label us NERDS. They think that Philippine SCIENCE High robs a teenager of his/her chance to lead a normal high school life, that it will push its students to study, study, and study. Sadly, this is the opposite. Let me bring the Phisciers out into the light.
This is the life of a typical Pisay student: she would stroll down the pathwalk towards her classroom. As she enters the room, she would notice that all her classmates are seated, their hands busy writing things on sheets of intermediate paper, in other words, cramming homework . Ms. Pisay student would then realize that she had forgotten to do her HOMEwork, so she's rush to her seat and search for someone willing to have his/her assignment copied or plagiarized. (NOTE: any Pisay student would use his/her breaks to cram homework, lab reports, and class presentations.) When that's done, she would go through her classes normally, not listening to the teacher. She'd be chatting with friends, doodling, dozing off, or texting. Then "bam!", a surprise quiz! Out comes the notes and she breezes through them hoping she'd get the necessary information then she prays that she miraculously passes.
Finally, dismissal time. Where to go? The gym to play ping-pong or volleyball or watch the BAPS boys play? The canteen for a snack? The ABD or kiosks to relax and chill with friends? The White House (w/c has been beige for years) to eat or just hang out and wait till your carpool or ride home leaves? Or the mall to just hang out till your parents send you a text telling you to come home? Any sounds enticing, all a far cry from studying. Why study tonight when you've got tomorrow? Besides, there's no exam tomorrow, and if there's a quiz, there's always 3-5 minutes before the quiz to scan your notes, if you have any.
Yes, this is the life of the Pisay scholar, the Nerd as people have labeled. You say that Pisay robs its students his/her chance to live normally? I beg to differ. Since we know we have brains, why just bank on that? Aren't we all multi-angled and multi-talented? Being just smart is BORING. Being a typical nerd is BORING. So, here we go, exploring. And hail the hundreds of musicians, athletes, and performers (singers, actors, dancers). Behold people who can make beautiful stage plays, scripts, dances, and song performances. Behold the thousands of camwhores and vain people. Pisay didn't mold us to be diligent and responisble. I'm sorry, but in Pisay, we learned to procrastinate, plagiarize, and work under pressure. Oh, and we learned to break away from stereotypes and show the world that we were equipped with more than just brains. Take a look at this:

Who said we were robbed of a normal and fun high school life?
If that ain't fun and normal enough for you, then I don't know what normal is.

<3

I couldn't help it. I have to write this down lest I want to burst into a gazillion pieces. I need to let this out. But even if I do, I don't think this feeling will ever go away. Well, I don't want it to, even if it drives me crazy. Sounds ironic, huh? I just can't help it. I finally found happiness.

This is coming from a former emo kid. I wasn't really emotive hardcore, maybe halfway there. But I wasn't happy before. Hell, I felt that I lost grip of everything. I turned to other avenues and sources for happiness. Yeah, I became happy, but it wasn't the kind I was looking for. I wanted something more. So, I kept looking. I kept searching. And I kept making mistakes. Until that fateful day in January, the day I had an epiphany. I learned, suddenly, I didn't know why and how, I just did. Maybe because I kept praying to God all those times. The process to happiness wasn't easy. it felt like I was feeling worse. But something or Someone told me it was necessary. I thought, hey, this might not give me the results I wanted. But, then, "Let go and let God." So there, I went on with what felt right and necessary. And the weight I used to feel began to leave me. I was feeling lighter and lighter. It was alien, it was wonderful, it was exhilirating. i smiled -- for real. My life alteration went on and I could say that I was a reformed emo kid by February to March. I was truly happy. I didn't know how to explain such happiness. It was just too much. I've been searching in the wrong places, neglecting the place where true happiness resided: within. It is only when you achieve internal happiness that you'll appreciate and accept true happiness given by others. My summer was pretty boring, but at least I wasn't sad. Happiness was there. And I fell in love with it.

It's blissful to be in love. Remember the song Bubbly? The song states the sensations when you're filled with so much love and bliss. It's wonderful to think that this world is just so beautiful. I wasted so much time on useless things. But I have no regrets. If I didn't go through what I went through, I wouldn't feel these emotions. I wouldn't cherish what I have now. I finally got what I want. I'm finally where I want to be. And I'm not letting go. =)

So, to the emo people out there, cut it out. Smile. Smile for real. Don't be afraid to take that risky step of self-discovery. Don't be afraid to go after your dreams. Don't be afraid to make life utopic. Go ahead. Fall in love.

Fall in love with Life. =)

thanks to Mila

Wow. Thanks to Mila's poem, I went back to reading the post that was related to it. Again, it was some frustration I had but I guess I'm over the frustration, a bit. I shall care not about people who can't appreciate the beauty a certain few can. By the way, world, Myspace is the home of many who seek recognition. I've got those with downloadable songs in Fragile Rainbow. I will add more when I find more. =)

Oh, well. To Mila, thank you! I really liked how you made a poetic piece out of my musical frustration. XD

And yes, Kim, go underground.

By the way, Forever Always is in need of a guitarist or drummer. :o Like the Philippines will care. XD

Kalai!

At last, the results of our Kalayaan applications have been released and I'm relieved to know that many of us were accepted into the freshie dorm! Hooray! I'm quite excited. Now, I'm thinking once again about the things I'll be bringing with me as I enter the dorm. Yes, clothes, toiletries, and school materials are basics, but what else? I listed them down out of fun. =)
* Pail & Dipper --> these, as I have been told, are essential to any dormer's stay in Kalayaan due to the water shortage.
* Sharpie --> dearies, it's a must to label everything you own. Your pail, dipper, clothes, and even maybe, your food, too. XD
* Little guitar --> I might get bored. This is for those out-of-boredom jamming moments.
* Tabs --> in case I'll forget a few songs on the guitar
* MP3 player --> hello, boredom kills.
* Magic Cards --> yeah, I'm no geek (patama sa ilan diyan. Peace, my Magic geek friends). Just in case I feel like playing there. :o
* Magazines & Books --> again, another boredom buster.
another boredom buster --> Giann's player. ;P

They're mostly boredom busters. I mean, I have to treat the dorm my new home for the meantime. Hello, I'll be there for about 10months, right? I need to feel at home.
So, what do you intend to bring?ü

Vanity Issues

I have some of my days wondering if I'd ever be a model. Every model I've seen is beautiful. They're tall and thin. I look at myself and think I just may not make the cut. I'm a big girl and every model I've seen on the catwalk and on the glossy pages of magazines have bodies that are to-die-for. Literally to-die-for. In a business that promotes reed-thin women, I'm crap.

Beauty, as shown by the media, is synonymous to tall and thin. Well, you don't necessarily have to be pretty, just THIN. THIN is acceptable. THIN is perfect. And due to all this, women all over the world starve themselves. Why do you think women become slaves to the treadmill? Why do you think we have numerous cases of anorexia and bulimia? You can't blame these young women. Blame the fickle industry called show business. This industry tends to shun women who actually have meat on their bones. Tell me, have you ever seen a stocky woman dominate the catwalk?

Women of size want to prove that big women are beautiful, too. That they, too, can be images of perfection. Reed-thin women don't constitute to the majority of the world's population and promoting such women would only make the majority feel awful. They'd think I'm not pretty/beautiful/svelte enough.
Have you ever watched "Make Me A Supermodel?" Jen, a meaty woman was able to enter the final four, thanks to her supporters. This shocked the panel of judges. They have said that she can't be a ramp model. Sure, she has a lovely face but as one of the judges said, "You will never be a supermodel." And why not? Because she has fat? She has a body that doesn't look so fragile? Because she's the kind of beautiful your fickle industry doesn't accept? You could see the utter shock and disappointment on the judges' faces as this not-so-typical model actually makes the cut. She's just one of the few who immersed themselves in a kind of industry that could crush your dignity.

Modeling is a mean business. One of the other models (a guy) actually called the average-built Jen OVERWEIGHT. Excuse me? Just because she has a body that isn't malnourished-looking as the others, she's overweight (Read: She's tall, just gave birth, and has a waistline of 29in)? Wake up, world. Beautiful doesn't mean thin. They were never synonymous. Don't make the billions of women out there who are beautiful the way they are miserable.

Looking Back While I Walking Away

Graduation has finally happened and high school finally ended. It never really was a big deal until we were declared graduates. It actually happened. We we're saying goodbye to the high school we all loved (admit it, you had great memories). We are all about to tread on different paths. We'd no longer be holding each others' hands the way we did in our last four years.

During the graduation, I kept looking back and images of our future kept flashing in my mind. The Ethereal batch, successful and happy. Wouldn't that be lovely. It's exciting to think that the people you used to goof around with would be heads of companies or successful doctors and engineers. Imagine that one solid couple in a photo together with a baby cradled in the woman's arms. Wouldn't all those be lovely? Every step towards college makes me look back and reminisce. Cheesy as this may sound, I would really miss everyone. And I know you would, too, because if you won't, then I couldn't think of anything that could justify the tears you shed right after the graduation ceremonies.

Ethereals, go forth and remember, "for us to move forward, we'll always look back to the place where we've grown and jammed our hearts out in hallways. WE'LL NEVER BE ALONE."

A toast to the future scientists, engineers, doctors, arhitects, company heads and chairmen and most importantly respectable and very happy individuals.

That McDo Experience

I personally love McDonalds. Most of us do, right? It's one of the most popular fastfood chains around. But one specific experience made me dislike them a bit.

I was one of the many students who didn't get what they expected to be delivered to school from McDonalds. Luckily, I wasn't one of the students who starved that day. I brought a sandwich for lunch and ordered a softdrink and Peach Mango pie from Jollibee earlier. But that's not the whole point here. I want to emphasize McDonalds' mistake that day when they left students waiting in vain for their lunches. Many had their stomachs growling during the afternoon practices. Many were bound by anticipation out of hunger only to find out a few hours later that their lunches wouldn't be coming and that they'd have to go through the day hungry. What shocked me most was the fact that they didn't inform us about the delay or problems. What shocked me more was the information we recieved about which branch our requests were sent to. They were transferred to the branch at Damosa. Excuse me?! Damosa is how many kilometers from Mintal? Two whole hours passed, I noticed that Beth and Mikko were waiting by the gate. Beth was obviously tired and hungry. If you'd go to Build That Geek, you'd see the list of people and their corresponding food orders. Yes, there were many of us, waiting for food which did not arrive.

The servicing branch did not contact us about any delays that were to occur. It was Mikko and Beth who had to call them! So much for the one-hour wait promised to us. Two whole hours of useless anticipation. A number of empty stomachs. Thank God no one fainted. But imagine the frustration of the students who were starving that day. Many of the students didn't have their lunches and we ended our practice at 3:30. Imagine that.

So, Pisayans, bring your own food for the next practice. I guess, we can't rely on those fastfood chains after all.

\m/

This just makes me so happy that I have to share it. Okay, you guys do know that I'm into rediscovering and searching bands that have not gone mainstream or have not been heard of especially in the Philippines, right? Well, thanks to Myspace, my job has been easier. Lately, foreign bands have been inviting me to be their friends and asking me to check them out. Their mostly rock bands, maybe because of the groups I joined in Myspace. But don't worry, not all are hard rock and screamo freaks. A lot are more of pop/punk/alternative. Some have really cool sounds. There's Charetta, Oh, Hush!, Classified and just recently (meaning, March 10, 2008), Sex & Missiles, Awaken, Patience, Honeyglass, Thestockmarketcrash, Goodbye Elliot, and Forever Always. That's a lot. Overwhelming. So far, the only bands I listened to are Charetta, Oh, Hush!, Classified, Sex & Missiles, Awaken, and Thestockmarketcrash. I can't listen to all of them at once, can I? So far, I really liked Oh, Hush!, but I found put about them through Myspace Events. Charetta, Sex & Missiles, and one other band (oops) gave me a personal message together with the invite (wee!). So far, I liked Charetta, Sex & Missiles (they're good), Thestockmarketcrash, and Goodbye Elliot. I'm currently listening while typing. Haha! (Ticket to Love by Goodbye Elliot in my ears. No screamos. They sound good.ü)

By the way, there's this Filipino band named Hungry Minds. Do you guys know about them (oops again)? I'll check them out later.

This is fun, maybe by the time these bands hit Pinoy mainstream (if they do), I'd be over them. Haha! That's gonna suck for me but I don't mind. I like the idea of knowing about a band when they just started, or are still underground. By the time, their mainstream, it'll be a year or two after they released their albums. ü (Feeling the punk rock-ness of Forever Always in Never Say Goodbye. Beautiful.ü)

Music is forever being updated. Thanks to Myspace, and to the bands who found me there. I know, there's a slim chance you'd read this but, hell. I just want to give you the recognition I believe you deserve. :) My music, my blithe.

(Sound So Clear in my ears... "Doing what feels right, what others say is wrong, but all you hear in your head is that same old song! I see the way i used to be...before the sound came out so clear..." by Sex & Missiles)

Carmen

"This person is more than what you think. So is everybody else."

Our high school retreat was held at Cursillo, the same retreat house I was in for my grade school retreat. So, basically, the place brought about reminiscence. Former Ateneans started talking about how things were. We remembered the rooms, what we did together, and how our night ended. I believe that every class who had their retreat had a majority of their class bawling by the end of the first day's activity. I know we did. So, I was expecting it would be the same with the facilitators this year.

Our faciliatator is a teacher, a person who claims that she has facilitated many retreats in the past, but not for high school students. Her name is Carmen.

I don't know what the hell was wrong with her but she seemed to prejudge and stereotype us the whole time. There we were, sitting before her and she says that people who are highly-intellectual or with highly developed minds don't have developed hearts. That hurt me and many others since she knew we were from Philippine Science High School. The high school that needs to screen their students, allowing only 90 per batch in each campus to enter among the thousands. So, yes, we are smart. But does that have to be pointed out almost every minute? Being recognized as smart people is no longer music to our ears. It's not that we don't want to admit that we have the brains (Hell, no Pisayan is an airhead) but our intelligence has ended up being a stereotypical label which seem to flash like neon lights above our heads when an outsider finds out where we go to school.

I tried my best to keep everything in but I just exploded (in a very subtle way thanks to Dana beside me) when she said something like we didn't feel anything with our hearts "kay ang utok lang man ang naglihok." How judgemental can this follower of God ever be? I'm sorry but she just crossed the line. It's bad enough that she closed her minds on us and labelled us like the whole world does but did she have to say that our hearts weren't functioning the way they should? I have to say that our hearts are functioning well, you just can't see through the stereotype that has made you blind. Not every person can express the way you want them to. And you can't expect every question you throw at us to generate one kind of reaction. You can't always expect the probable with this kind of crowd.

Another part of the session that made people squirm and murmur in their seats was when she asked us if we attributed the bad things that happen to us to God. When we all said yes, her face distorted and she looked at us in utter disbelief. Wait, are you saying that what we have been taught is wrong? She must have mistook these highly intellectual students to be so naive (How ironic is that?). She told us that we should not blame God for the bad things that happen to us. Excuse me, but no one said anything about blaming. We know that God is not the one who creates the bad stuff, Satan does, but it is God who gives Satan the permission (Like He did with Job) to inflict harm on the human race. Janille wanted to go and say like, "But act of inaction is an act itself." How I wish she did. We aren't that naive to blame God but we know that he allows misfortune to come upon us men so that we may learn so it is right for us to attribute hardships to God. Remember, no one said anything about blaming. An act of inaction is an act itself.

But I don't want to focus on that clash of perceptions. I want to focus on the stereotyping. Once, she said something like, "You are gifted people. Of course, kami sa gawas, gifted pud mi, mas gifted ra mu mga nasa Philippine Science." That felt like a sign of insecurity. I might sound arrogant but that's how it felt. Was it necessary to emphasizes such a point? We aren't egoistic people who think that we are the only gifted people. I believe that she knows that. Well, she should know that. I f we believed such, then we wouldn't be going crazy over musicians who we think are awesome or even gods. We wouldn't go praising great men in society. We wouldn't be scouring through magazines, adoring perfection if we believed we were the only ones gifted and close to perfection. We could have just talked about ourselves all day (How boring is that?).

I'm sending this message out to everyone who has labelled and stereotyped us. This is for the people who judged us when they heard about the school we are attending even before knowing who we are as people. We don't want to be known as smart people, just people. Being people with brains isn't our only characteristic. How can you say such? Have you seen us in our lowest times, where we just cry our hearts out? Have you seen us express ourselves through music in classrooms and hallways? Have you visited our blogs, sites, and pages and noticed the depth and colors in every one of us? No. Then you cannot say that our hearts are underdeveloped. You can't judge a person as heartless when you have not spent even just a minute in each of their lives, sitting beside them as they cry, scream, and laugh. Look beyond our intelligence. Open your eyes and see us as people. We are not which high school we came from. And we will not be what society has labelled us as. We are more than what you think.

Not Local Mainstream Ear Candy

Due to this addiction, I've decided to make a list (this is getting boring, ya think?) of the bands that deserve recognition. As far as I know, they aren't mainstream yet here in the Philippines but the States and other countries know and love them. I grew to like these artists. Most are rock bands and some have the screamo effect (I'm sorry) but they have good lyrics. :) They're worth your time. Beside some are examples of their masterpieces/the songs I appreciated. :)

A.F.I. - The Last Kiss, Last Caress
All Time Low
Aly and AJ Michalka
Anberlin (c/o KimL) - Amsterdam
Butterfly Boucher - Life is Short
Dead Kennedys - Too Drunk to Fuck
Everclear - Volvo Driving Soccer Mom
Five Times August
Foo Fighters
Hole - Celebrity Skin
Hyde (c/o Lian. lol) - Cape of Storms
Lady Sovereign - Love Me or Hate Me
Meg & Dia (c/o KimL...ü)
Modest Mouse - Dashboard
Nirvana (Kurt Cobain!) - Penny Royal Tea
Oh, Hush! - Going Down in Style, My Neighbor Thinks I'm Famous, etc. **
Starting Line - Playing Favorites
Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
Sublime - What Happened, Date Rape
Sunny Day Real Estate - 48
Sugarcult - Pretty Girl (It's the Way)
The Blood Brothers - Mutiny on the Ark of the Blood Brothers
The Doors (Isn't this Jim Morrison's?ü) - Touch Me
The Sex Pistols - Bodies
The Moldy Peaches
The Vines - Don't Listen to the Radio
Weird Al - Confessions Part III

I might add more when I get hold of new ones. :)

**from Myspace Events
Oh, Hush!
They're GREAT! Swear!ü

Why We Have THEM Now

Due to my music obsession and due to my sole copy of Spin (April 2003), I decided to make this entry. Spin is a hardcore music magazine ("Music for Life") and I have to thank them for they are the reason I'm discovering and rediscovering bands and music (I read it again for the fun of it since I was bored). Anyway, what I'm going to post are the list of bands who influenced the bands we know today. These albums are part of the "15 Most Influential Albums (... not recorded by the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Elvis, or the Rolling Stones)" from Spin magazine. I found this 2-page article very interesting. I'd just post a few since not every influenced band/musician is known to you. I'll just post the bands/musicians that most know.
**the ones in the parentheses are the record labels & the year they released that album. :)

THE VELVET UNDERGROUND & NICO , the Velvet Underground (Verve, 1967)
Influenced: The Strokes

FUN HOUSE, the Stooges (Elektra, 1970)
Influenced: Ramones, the Sex Pistols, Black Flag, the White Stripes, the Vines

BLACK SABBATH, Black Sabbath (Warner Bros., 1970)
Influenced: Metallica, Nirvana

WHAT'S GOING ON, Marvin Gaye (Motown, 1971)
Influenced: Earth, Wind, & Fire, OutKast

AUTOBAHN, Kraftwerk (Philips/Vertigo, 1974)
Influenced: Daft Punk, Radiohead

RAMONES, Ramones (Sire, 1976)
Influenced: the Sex Pistols, Green Day, Sum 41, anyone who lacked the patience to learn more than three chords

QUEENS OF NOISE, the Runaways (Mercury, 1977)
Influenced: Hole

DAMAGED, Black Flag (SST, 1981)
Influenced: Nirvana, Blink-182

RUN-D.M.C., Run-D.M.C. (Profile, 1984)
Influenced: Beastie Boys, Limp Bizkit, everyone else who picked up a microphone after them

STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON , N.W.A. (Ruthless/Priority, 1988)
Influenced: Snoop Dogg, Tupac Shakur, Eminem, white people who used the term "beeatch"

ENERGY, Operation Ivy (Lookout!, 1989)
Influenced: Green Day, No Doubt, Sublime, Blink-182

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE, Rage Against the Machine (Epic, 1992) --influenced by Operation Ivy's ENERGY
Influenced: Korn, Limp Bizkit, Deftones, P.O.D.

DIARY, Sunny Day Real Estate (Sub Pop, 1994)
Influenced: Modest Mouse, Jimmy Eat World, Dashboard Confessional, Silverstein**

Those are the ones with the familiar influenced bands so far. :)
Obviously Run-D.M.C. and N.W.A.'s albums became the influences for present-time hip-hop artists. Most of the others inspired rock bands like Nirvana, Sublime, Hole, Green Day, the White Stripes, and the Vines.

By the way, the Runaways are female. :) It was said, "they weren't the first female rock band, but they were the first female rawk band."

And to all people who listen to today's emo music, Sunny Day Real Estate is a band to thank.ü Bands like Embrace and Rites of Spring may have begun "Emo" during the late 1980's, it's Sunny Day Real Estate that emo bands of today sound more like. Their songs "48" and "Killed by an Angel" are good.ü (As far as I know, only Gerdo and I know about Sunny Day Real Estate).

Tim "Lint" Armstrong Matt Freeman of Rancid were the guitarist and bassist respectively of Operation Ivy.

Tupac Shakur, R.I.P.

**Silverstein was not featured in Spin they claimed that Sunny Day Real Estate as one of their influences, together with Metallica, etc. (http://silverstein.imeem.com/)

Raise your glasses high for the "forefathers" of the artists you love today! :)