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Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Friday, January 29, 2010
Shattered
I came upon my blog once again just to check if there are any entries to edit, since I don't proof-read before posting, and I came upon a rather old entry entitled Looking Back While I Walk Away . Reading it, I had a very idealistic view of a post-high school life. And now, as I recall the series of events after graduation, I just realized how naive I was. I thought that everything created in high school was as solid and firm as 400-year-old structures, but no, they're stick-weak. College life is hell.
ON OUR CHOSEN PATH
It isn't easy to finish a course and go after a dream, especially if those courses aren't in line with your dream. You'd end up wanting to shift out or give up altogether. A four-year course can actually drag its way to being a six or seven-year one. Women end up getting pregnant. Others simply drop out of school and decide top juggle multiple rakets. And you thought "I'll be [insert profession here] in five years and be rich and I'll travel the world!" Yeah right.
ON RELATIONSHIPS
Relationships formed in high school won't directly lead straight to marriage. They're very fragile and once the couple enters the real world, they'll realize their relationship was built on a rather minute foundation and that there are many other opportunities and other people out there. Forever is an illusion. Teenage love is an illusion. A friend says I've become quite cynical lately. Have I? Maybe because despite my claims of being realistic, I was too darn idealistic, a false prophet. Everything is an illusion, everything is hormonal. Well, maybe not everything, but mostly. And even if we tell each other to guard our hearts, chill, look before we leap, and be realistic, we know we never end up listening.
ON STATUSES
High school statuses can't be kept until college. If you were popular, you can wind up as the next biggest loser. To cope with the boredom and the rut you were thrown into, you try every possible crazy thing. But seriously, would you actually look back and like what you see? And to beat boredom and loneliness, just to leave the rut you have been stuck in, you keep yourself busy, so as not to wander on bad thoughts and deeds. But being busy would end up making you stressed and you'd wonder if this was what you wanted. We try to make a name for ourselves, but that will be hard, especially if you're in a world with more players to take that title from you. This game of status-finding is a difficult one. And sometimes, to have a name, is to make crazy choices just to be known.
ON MYSELF
I don't like leading an uneventful life. And I welcomed college life with so much enthusiasm and excitement that I wanted to try EVERYTHING. I guess my definition of everything stretches from zero to infinity. Freshman year was eventful. It was fun. But then everything died down in second year. The first sem events were fun, I honestly have to say, but they didn't last and I ended up in a lot of trouble because of them. I spent most of my days propped up on my bed, in front of the laptop watching and rewatching movies, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, America's Best Dance Crew, Glee, Gossip Girl, 90210, Bleach, and just about anything my latop has saved in it. I'd play Plants vs. Zombies again and again, just trying to fill every space in my Zen Garden. I took a part-time job but I wasn't happy with it, and actually didn't save enough. STUPID. I'm that bored. So, I welcomed UAPSA-UPD and the possible ASC position into my life. I need to socialize, to leave my room's four walls (but first, I have to leave my bed). I walk home alone, eat in my dorm room alone, go to the grocery alone, window-shop sometimes alone, commute alone, go to and leave class alone, study alone. I don't even watch TV, that's why I don't know what's the latest in the lives of celebrities or the PBB housemates. I watch TV for American Idol, though. I don't want to get into the details of the life I'm leading but I'm not liking it. I'm not very happy. I'm just thankful I've got friends to keep a smile alive. 'Cause this life is crap.
So, anyway, after bein thrown out into the real world, from the sheltered grounds of high school and home, you'll realize that everything that you have imagined was nothing but simply optimistic illusions. Life doesn't throw you lemons to make lemonade. It throws you crap, and what are you supposed to do with that?
ON OUR CHOSEN PATH
It isn't easy to finish a course and go after a dream, especially if those courses aren't in line with your dream. You'd end up wanting to shift out or give up altogether. A four-year course can actually drag its way to being a six or seven-year one. Women end up getting pregnant. Others simply drop out of school and decide top juggle multiple rakets. And you thought "I'll be [insert profession here] in five years and be rich and I'll travel the world!" Yeah right.
ON RELATIONSHIPS
Relationships formed in high school won't directly lead straight to marriage. They're very fragile and once the couple enters the real world, they'll realize their relationship was built on a rather minute foundation and that there are many other opportunities and other people out there. Forever is an illusion. Teenage love is an illusion. A friend says I've become quite cynical lately. Have I? Maybe because despite my claims of being realistic, I was too darn idealistic, a false prophet. Everything is an illusion, everything is hormonal. Well, maybe not everything, but mostly. And even if we tell each other to guard our hearts, chill, look before we leap, and be realistic, we know we never end up listening.
ON STATUSES
High school statuses can't be kept until college. If you were popular, you can wind up as the next biggest loser. To cope with the boredom and the rut you were thrown into, you try every possible crazy thing. But seriously, would you actually look back and like what you see? And to beat boredom and loneliness, just to leave the rut you have been stuck in, you keep yourself busy, so as not to wander on bad thoughts and deeds. But being busy would end up making you stressed and you'd wonder if this was what you wanted. We try to make a name for ourselves, but that will be hard, especially if you're in a world with more players to take that title from you. This game of status-finding is a difficult one. And sometimes, to have a name, is to make crazy choices just to be known.
ON MYSELF
I don't like leading an uneventful life. And I welcomed college life with so much enthusiasm and excitement that I wanted to try EVERYTHING. I guess my definition of everything stretches from zero to infinity. Freshman year was eventful. It was fun. But then everything died down in second year. The first sem events were fun, I honestly have to say, but they didn't last and I ended up in a lot of trouble because of them. I spent most of my days propped up on my bed, in front of the laptop watching and rewatching movies, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, America's Best Dance Crew, Glee, Gossip Girl, 90210, Bleach, and just about anything my latop has saved in it. I'd play Plants vs. Zombies again and again, just trying to fill every space in my Zen Garden. I took a part-time job but I wasn't happy with it, and actually didn't save enough. STUPID. I'm that bored. So, I welcomed UAPSA-UPD and the possible ASC position into my life. I need to socialize, to leave my room's four walls (but first, I have to leave my bed). I walk home alone, eat in my dorm room alone, go to the grocery alone, window-shop sometimes alone, commute alone, go to and leave class alone, study alone. I don't even watch TV, that's why I don't know what's the latest in the lives of celebrities or the PBB housemates. I watch TV for American Idol, though. I don't want to get into the details of the life I'm leading but I'm not liking it. I'm not very happy. I'm just thankful I've got friends to keep a smile alive. 'Cause this life is crap.
So, anyway, after bein thrown out into the real world, from the sheltered grounds of high school and home, you'll realize that everything that you have imagined was nothing but simply optimistic illusions. Life doesn't throw you lemons to make lemonade. It throws you crap, and what are you supposed to do with that?
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Imma Be
Major achievement to date! I jogged half (or almost half) of the academic oval! Okay, maybe it isn't a big deal to those who can actually jog the whole oval nonstop but this is to me 'cause I've never was able to do it before. Who knew it was possible for me? Yehess. I managed to do something good for myself. Wait, I can't go on writing this post since I have another paper to do for Write Well. Yehp. I'm back on the part-time writing business. I went back last night actually and now Ma'am Vange gave me another assignment. Of course, I couldn't finish it by 12midnight. 12 pages. Hello! So, anyway, this post is just too informal. I gotta go and check out that paper I have to do...
But, first, I wanna share this: I'm just so happy that I'm actually going back to doing stuff for myself. I'm working to earn a little bit of cash (840 for 48 hours? Not bad), and I'm actually doing what I told myself I should be doing, EXERCISING. So, yes, my endorphines are making me happy right now. I actually smiled a while ago when I went past a quarter of the oval and wasn't stopping. I won't stop smiling. I'll keep myself busy because this is what makes me happy. I'm just recovering from Math53 depression, soar throat, and a cold. Thank God I'm getting better.
Imma Be by BEP was the last song that played on my MP3 before I reached my room. I found it very apt for the thoughts I had.
Imma be BETTER.
Imma be BRILLIANT.
Imma be HAPPY.
Imma be WHAT I WANT TO BE.
Ciao, beautiful people. Gotta start workin.'
But, first, I wanna share this: I'm just so happy that I'm actually going back to doing stuff for myself. I'm working to earn a little bit of cash (840 for 48 hours? Not bad), and I'm actually doing what I told myself I should be doing, EXERCISING. So, yes, my endorphines are making me happy right now. I actually smiled a while ago when I went past a quarter of the oval and wasn't stopping. I won't stop smiling. I'll keep myself busy because this is what makes me happy. I'm just recovering from Math53 depression, soar throat, and a cold. Thank God I'm getting better.
Imma Be by BEP was the last song that played on my MP3 before I reached my room. I found it very apt for the thoughts I had.
Imma be BETTER.
Imma be BRILLIANT.
Imma be HAPPY.
Imma be WHAT I WANT TO BE.
Ciao, beautiful people. Gotta start workin.'
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Thought Overflow
PART 1
I ask myself, when was the last time I wrote something for my blog? No, the "Rants" [a semi-private entry] isn't counted. I mean, something serious and substantial. "Rants" was serious but purely void of positive substance. I have to say, it's been a long time. It's been a long time since I sat down and poured my heart out in a proper manner. I know I should be studying right now. I don't want to fail Math but how can I study when my head is just filled with too much thoughts? I have to release them somehow because it's starting to get stuffy here in my dorm room. I don't know how to sugarcoat or creatively say this but I WANT TO GO HOME.
Seeing "my little bro" last weekend made me realize just how much I missed him. I travelled all the way to Makati just to spend my morning with him. I have to say, he was my first guy best friend in high school. I first found him quite annoying, actually, to be honest, but now, I really treasure him as a friend. He's the only guy I could hug, cuddle up to, hold hands with, and say "I love you" to a million times without ever falling for him. Same thing with him. Heck, I believe I can be a hell lot sweeter to him than to any other guy and we can bet on that. There's just "too much friendship going on" as we both put it, and I'm glad because I wouldn't want it any other way. He's in Davao, so ever since I flew to Manila for college, I always yearned for a huge bear hug. Swear, only HE can give me the perfect bear hug. Sucks that I have to wait till I'm in 5th year to actually get more regular hugs from him. There's no one to bear hug here in Manila. Plus, everyone must know by now that my latest best friend just flew back to Davao. Great. No one to run to to share about what happened during my day. No one to text and ask favors from. No one to talk to about hot guys or girls or Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother. No one to share "extreme awesomeness" with. GREAT. I've got friends here, but come on, sometimes, nothing beats best friends. Oh right, I've got my "soulmate" here but he's also so busy with his life that we only get to see each other after certain classes that we share.
I don't know why I'm thinking about all of these stuff. I have many friends, why am I so sad that I'm far from a mere tiny percentage of the population I consider friends? I don't know. All I know is, I wanna go home to them. I want someone to give me the bear hugs that I want, bear hugs that I have been having for 5 years. I want someone to go to to talk about the most mundane stuff ever. Plus, I want to go home to my family. I want to hit places with my sister again, go shopping, or chilling at coffee shops. I want to go home to my cousins and party the night away (since, ahem, they aren't visiting me anymore. haha). I'm just waiting for this year to end.
Well, I'm not all that depressed, really. I've got friends just a few minutes away from my dorm. I've got friends in my dorm. I've got friends in my college. I've got friends in... oh no, wait, let's double check that. So, there.
PART 2
Oh, another thing, I want to share something about me [yes, I'm that vain] but I just don't know how to put it. If you know me very well, you must know that I've been very different from who I was before. Or, I'm still the same old person, with a few tweeked perspectives, and new habits. I am not perfect, so not everything I do is right, and not everything I do will end up pleasing all of you. Maybe I should change, maybe I shouldn't. I'm slowly changing actually, I'm this butterfly with weirdly constructed wings that's trying to push its way out of its cocoon. It's a slow and tiring process and as I check the "beauty" of my wings, I don't know if should hate it or love it because it's different. With every push I make to leave my cocoon, my wings change their color. I am still overwhelmed with the change that's happening to me. Good or bad, I'm not complaining because this is where I wanted to be, this is what I wanted to be. Things have gone awry, I've noticed that and pondered many times but I can't cry over spilled milk. I can't sit and hope that there's a miraculous time rewind. That will never happen. Time moves forward, it never looks back, so I might as well do the same. I'll smile things off. It may not be my thing, but change is good. Whatever may have happened to me happened for a reason, a reason chosen by the hands of fate and I am not one to defy that. I may defy the government, my parents, or society, but I cannot defy fate. So, hakuna matata and may mercy rest upon my soul and what's yet to come.
I ask myself, when was the last time I wrote something for my blog? No, the "Rants" [a semi-private entry] isn't counted. I mean, something serious and substantial. "Rants" was serious but purely void of positive substance. I have to say, it's been a long time. It's been a long time since I sat down and poured my heart out in a proper manner. I know I should be studying right now. I don't want to fail Math but how can I study when my head is just filled with too much thoughts? I have to release them somehow because it's starting to get stuffy here in my dorm room. I don't know how to sugarcoat or creatively say this but I WANT TO GO HOME.
Seeing "my little bro" last weekend made me realize just how much I missed him. I travelled all the way to Makati just to spend my morning with him. I have to say, he was my first guy best friend in high school. I first found him quite annoying, actually, to be honest, but now, I really treasure him as a friend. He's the only guy I could hug, cuddle up to, hold hands with, and say "I love you" to a million times without ever falling for him. Same thing with him. Heck, I believe I can be a hell lot sweeter to him than to any other guy and we can bet on that. There's just "too much friendship going on" as we both put it, and I'm glad because I wouldn't want it any other way. He's in Davao, so ever since I flew to Manila for college, I always yearned for a huge bear hug. Swear, only HE can give me the perfect bear hug. Sucks that I have to wait till I'm in 5th year to actually get more regular hugs from him. There's no one to bear hug here in Manila. Plus, everyone must know by now that my latest best friend just flew back to Davao. Great. No one to run to to share about what happened during my day. No one to text and ask favors from. No one to talk to about hot guys or girls or Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother. No one to share "extreme awesomeness" with. GREAT. I've got friends here, but come on, sometimes, nothing beats best friends. Oh right, I've got my "soulmate" here but he's also so busy with his life that we only get to see each other after certain classes that we share.
I don't know why I'm thinking about all of these stuff. I have many friends, why am I so sad that I'm far from a mere tiny percentage of the population I consider friends? I don't know. All I know is, I wanna go home to them. I want someone to give me the bear hugs that I want, bear hugs that I have been having for 5 years. I want someone to go to to talk about the most mundane stuff ever. Plus, I want to go home to my family. I want to hit places with my sister again, go shopping, or chilling at coffee shops. I want to go home to my cousins and party the night away (since, ahem, they aren't visiting me anymore. haha). I'm just waiting for this year to end.
Well, I'm not all that depressed, really. I've got friends just a few minutes away from my dorm. I've got friends in my dorm. I've got friends in my college. I've got friends in... oh no, wait, let's double check that. So, there.
PART 2
Oh, another thing, I want to share something about me [yes, I'm that vain] but I just don't know how to put it. If you know me very well, you must know that I've been very different from who I was before. Or, I'm still the same old person, with a few tweeked perspectives, and new habits. I am not perfect, so not everything I do is right, and not everything I do will end up pleasing all of you. Maybe I should change, maybe I shouldn't. I'm slowly changing actually, I'm this butterfly with weirdly constructed wings that's trying to push its way out of its cocoon. It's a slow and tiring process and as I check the "beauty" of my wings, I don't know if should hate it or love it because it's different. With every push I make to leave my cocoon, my wings change their color. I am still overwhelmed with the change that's happening to me. Good or bad, I'm not complaining because this is where I wanted to be, this is what I wanted to be. Things have gone awry, I've noticed that and pondered many times but I can't cry over spilled milk. I can't sit and hope that there's a miraculous time rewind. That will never happen. Time moves forward, it never looks back, so I might as well do the same. I'll smile things off. It may not be my thing, but change is good. Whatever may have happened to me happened for a reason, a reason chosen by the hands of fate and I am not one to defy that. I may defy the government, my parents, or society, but I cannot defy fate. So, hakuna matata and may mercy rest upon my soul and what's yet to come.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Kalai!
At last, the results of our Kalayaan applications have been released and I'm relieved to know that many of us were accepted into the freshie dorm! Hooray! I'm quite excited. Now, I'm thinking once again about the things I'll be bringing with me as I enter the dorm. Yes, clothes, toiletries, and school materials are basics, but what else? I listed them down out of fun. =)
* Pail & Dipper --> these, as I have been told, are essential to any dormer's stay in Kalayaan due to the water shortage.
* Sharpie --> dearies, it's a must to label everything you own. Your pail, dipper, clothes, and even maybe, your food, too. XD
* Little guitar --> I might get bored. This is for those out-of-boredom jamming moments.
* Tabs --> in case I'll forget a few songs on the guitar
* MP3 player --> hello, boredom kills.
* Magic Cards --> yeah, I'm no geek (patama sa ilan diyan. Peace, my Magic geek friends). Just in case I feel like playing there. :o
* Magazines & Books --> again, another boredom buster.
another boredom buster --> Giann's player. ;P
They're mostly boredom busters. I mean, I have to treat the dorm my new home for the meantime. Hello, I'll be there for about 10months, right? I need to feel at home.
So, what do you intend to bring?ΓΌ
* Pail & Dipper --> these, as I have been told, are essential to any dormer's stay in Kalayaan due to the water shortage.
* Sharpie --> dearies, it's a must to label everything you own. Your pail, dipper, clothes, and even maybe, your food, too. XD
* Little guitar --> I might get bored. This is for those out-of-boredom jamming moments.
* Tabs --> in case I'll forget a few songs on the guitar
* MP3 player --> hello, boredom kills.
* Magic Cards --> yeah, I'm no geek (patama sa ilan diyan. Peace, my Magic geek friends). Just in case I feel like playing there. :o
* Magazines & Books --> again, another boredom buster.
another boredom buster --> Giann's player. ;P
They're mostly boredom busters. I mean, I have to treat the dorm my new home for the meantime. Hello, I'll be there for about 10months, right? I need to feel at home.
So, what do you intend to bring?ΓΌ
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