Carmen

"This person is more than what you think. So is everybody else."

Our high school retreat was held at Cursillo, the same retreat house I was in for my grade school retreat. So, basically, the place brought about reminiscence. Former Ateneans started talking about how things were. We remembered the rooms, what we did together, and how our night ended. I believe that every class who had their retreat had a majority of their class bawling by the end of the first day's activity. I know we did. So, I was expecting it would be the same with the facilitators this year.

Our faciliatator is a teacher, a person who claims that she has facilitated many retreats in the past, but not for high school students. Her name is Carmen.

I don't know what the hell was wrong with her but she seemed to prejudge and stereotype us the whole time. There we were, sitting before her and she says that people who are highly-intellectual or with highly developed minds don't have developed hearts. That hurt me and many others since she knew we were from Philippine Science High School. The high school that needs to screen their students, allowing only 90 per batch in each campus to enter among the thousands. So, yes, we are smart. But does that have to be pointed out almost every minute? Being recognized as smart people is no longer music to our ears. It's not that we don't want to admit that we have the brains (Hell, no Pisayan is an airhead) but our intelligence has ended up being a stereotypical label which seem to flash like neon lights above our heads when an outsider finds out where we go to school.

I tried my best to keep everything in but I just exploded (in a very subtle way thanks to Dana beside me) when she said something like we didn't feel anything with our hearts "kay ang utok lang man ang naglihok." How judgemental can this follower of God ever be? I'm sorry but she just crossed the line. It's bad enough that she closed her minds on us and labelled us like the whole world does but did she have to say that our hearts weren't functioning the way they should? I have to say that our hearts are functioning well, you just can't see through the stereotype that has made you blind. Not every person can express the way you want them to. And you can't expect every question you throw at us to generate one kind of reaction. You can't always expect the probable with this kind of crowd.

Another part of the session that made people squirm and murmur in their seats was when she asked us if we attributed the bad things that happen to us to God. When we all said yes, her face distorted and she looked at us in utter disbelief. Wait, are you saying that what we have been taught is wrong? She must have mistook these highly intellectual students to be so naive (How ironic is that?). She told us that we should not blame God for the bad things that happen to us. Excuse me, but no one said anything about blaming. We know that God is not the one who creates the bad stuff, Satan does, but it is God who gives Satan the permission (Like He did with Job) to inflict harm on the human race. Janille wanted to go and say like, "But act of inaction is an act itself." How I wish she did. We aren't that naive to blame God but we know that he allows misfortune to come upon us men so that we may learn so it is right for us to attribute hardships to God. Remember, no one said anything about blaming. An act of inaction is an act itself.

But I don't want to focus on that clash of perceptions. I want to focus on the stereotyping. Once, she said something like, "You are gifted people. Of course, kami sa gawas, gifted pud mi, mas gifted ra mu mga nasa Philippine Science." That felt like a sign of insecurity. I might sound arrogant but that's how it felt. Was it necessary to emphasizes such a point? We aren't egoistic people who think that we are the only gifted people. I believe that she knows that. Well, she should know that. I f we believed such, then we wouldn't be going crazy over musicians who we think are awesome or even gods. We wouldn't go praising great men in society. We wouldn't be scouring through magazines, adoring perfection if we believed we were the only ones gifted and close to perfection. We could have just talked about ourselves all day (How boring is that?).

I'm sending this message out to everyone who has labelled and stereotyped us. This is for the people who judged us when they heard about the school we are attending even before knowing who we are as people. We don't want to be known as smart people, just people. Being people with brains isn't our only characteristic. How can you say such? Have you seen us in our lowest times, where we just cry our hearts out? Have you seen us express ourselves through music in classrooms and hallways? Have you visited our blogs, sites, and pages and noticed the depth and colors in every one of us? No. Then you cannot say that our hearts are underdeveloped. You can't judge a person as heartless when you have not spent even just a minute in each of their lives, sitting beside them as they cry, scream, and laugh. Look beyond our intelligence. Open your eyes and see us as people. We are not which high school we came from. And we will not be what society has labelled us as. We are more than what you think.