A Love Left

I told myself I was leaving for good. I said I was no longer coming back. I was finally turning my back, trying to show the world that I was strong enough to leave one of my greatest loves. It was for my good, I say, and also for my academics and my relationship with my parents. Ever since I fell in love, my academics were jeopardized and I had constant fights with my parents to the point of me breaking down on the phone while talking to them asking for their understanding and acceptance. Dad finally gave in. But as the months passed by, I thought was it all worth it? Was this relationship something I wanted to keep till forever died out? I decided to seek some advice and one afternoon, while having a coffee break with mom, I finally broke the news to my mother. She was shocked by my decision. I was shocked, too. I told her I wanted out after all those months where I tried to gain their approval and now that I finally have it, I’m telling them I want out. I explained my side, the pros and cons and she just listened and after my long speech she simply said, “It’s a good thing you finally realized that.” It felt weird to say that I was finally breaking off. I didn’t know how to tell the person concerned. I didn’t know whose heart would have been broken in the process once I utter the words “I’m leaving.” But I finally managed to do so. I left and walked away.I didn’t feel hurt or lonely. Up until now.
I didn’t do anything or looked at anything that reminded me of that relationship, until I opened my laptop and decided to check out some old files. I popped in a burned VCD given to me by a friend on my 18th birthday. I watched the videos I used to enjoy, of certain memories I had linked to what I had before. And that’s when it hit me. I wasn’t ready to end our relationship. I wanted it back. But was I willing to go through all the hardship again? I didn’t know. But was I willing to return to the happiness I felt? Yes. Was I willing to go back because of the reason I entered the relationship for in the 1st place? Yes.
I’m still unsure until up to this moment. There are still many things I can’t accept. But I know that my heart is still attached. I left a part of me there and I want it back. I want everything back. I want them back. UP Street, I still miss you. I still love to dance. I came to UP in hope that I could soon bear the title as UP Street Dance Club member. I took a chance, was given the opportunity, hurdled the trials, and now I’m letting go? I don’t know what seems right. But many stuff at this moment are pointing to a yes, I have to go back. I just hope I have enough will power.