Thought Overflow

PART 1

I ask myself, when was the last time I wrote something for my blog? No, the "Rants" [a semi-private entry] isn't counted. I mean, something serious and substantial. "Rants" was serious but purely void of positive substance. I have to say, it's been a long time. It's been a long time since I sat down and poured my heart out in a proper manner. I know I should be studying right now. I don't want to fail Math but how can I study when my head is just filled with too much thoughts? I have to release them somehow because it's starting to get stuffy here in my dorm room. I don't know how to sugarcoat or creatively say this but I WANT TO GO HOME.
Seeing "my little bro" last weekend made me realize just how much I missed him. I travelled all the way to Makati just to spend my morning with him. I have to say, he was my first guy best friend in high school. I first found him quite annoying, actually, to be honest, but now, I really treasure him as a friend. He's the only guy I could hug, cuddle up to, hold hands with, and say "I love you" to a million times without ever falling for him. Same thing with him. Heck, I believe I can be a hell lot sweeter to him than to any other guy and we can bet on that. There's just "too much friendship going on" as we both put it, and I'm glad because I wouldn't want it any other way. He's in Davao, so ever since I flew to Manila for college, I always yearned for a huge bear hug. Swear, only HE can give me the perfect bear hug. Sucks that I have to wait till I'm in 5th year to actually get more regular hugs from him. There's no one to bear hug here in Manila. Plus, everyone must know by now that my latest best friend just flew back to Davao. Great. No one to run to to share about what happened during my day. No one to text and ask favors from. No one to talk to about hot guys or girls or Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother. No one to share "extreme awesomeness" with. GREAT. I've got friends here, but come on, sometimes, nothing beats best friends. Oh right, I've got my "soulmate" here but he's also so busy with his life that we only get to see each other after certain classes that we share.
I don't know why I'm thinking about all of these stuff. I have many friends, why am I so sad that I'm far from a mere tiny percentage of the population I consider friends? I don't know. All I know is, I wanna go home to them. I want someone to give me the bear hugs that I want, bear hugs that I have been having for 5 years. I want someone to go to to talk about the most mundane stuff ever. Plus, I want to go home to my family. I want to hit places with my sister again, go shopping, or chilling at coffee shops. I want to go home to my cousins and party the night away (since, ahem, they aren't visiting me anymore. haha). I'm just waiting for this year to end.
Well, I'm not all that depressed, really. I've got friends just a few minutes away from my dorm. I've got friends in my dorm. I've got friends in my college. I've got friends in... oh no, wait, let's double check that. So, there.

PART 2

Oh, another thing, I want to share something about me [yes, I'm that vain] but I just don't know how to put it. If you know me very well, you must know that I've been very different from who I was before. Or, I'm still the same old person, with a few tweeked perspectives, and new habits. I am not perfect, so not everything I do is right, and not everything I do will end up pleasing all of you. Maybe I should change, maybe I shouldn't. I'm slowly changing actually, I'm this butterfly with weirdly constructed wings that's trying to push its way out of its cocoon. It's a slow and tiring process and as I check the "beauty" of my wings, I don't know if should hate it or love it because it's different. With every push I make to leave my cocoon, my wings change their color. I am still overwhelmed with the change that's happening to me. Good or bad, I'm not complaining because this is where I wanted to be, this is what I wanted to be. Things have gone awry, I've noticed that and pondered many times but I can't cry over spilled milk. I can't sit and hope that there's a miraculous time rewind. That will never happen. Time moves forward, it never looks back, so I might as well do the same. I'll smile things off. It may not be my thing, but change is good. Whatever may have happened to me happened for a reason, a reason chosen by the hands of fate and I am not one to defy that. I may defy the government, my parents, or society, but I cannot defy fate. So, hakuna matata and may mercy rest upon my soul and what's yet to come.